Eyes
by Satski
Summary: I always wanted to be like those eyes of yours, wise and selfconfident. If only you knew how your eyes affect my every thought and action. For years I've admired your eyes and in those years of watching your eyes I fell in love with you. Fluffy ShikaNaru.


Title: Eyes

Author: Satski

Summary: _I always wanted to be like those eyes of yours, wise and self-confident. If only you knew how your eyes affect my every thought and action. For years I've admired your eyes and in those years of watching your eyes I fell in love with you. _Fluffy ShikaNaru. **Spoilers**.

A/N: I don't know, it seems weird. I guess this is the fanfic I am 'secretly' proud of. Hope you guys like it!

_**EYES**_

Ever since we met in the academy that day, your eyes were the first thing that I noticed, they interested me in a way that no other thing ever has. Your eyes showed wisdom beyond they're years, except your posture screamed 'Troublesome'. Your eyes showed a calming, and at the same time a raging storm. You stood up for what you believed was right, even if you got in trouble for it. You knew when something was worth it and when it wasn't. You were a troublemaker and the perfect student all at once. The thing that got me interested in your eyes was the understanding you had in them whenever you looked at me, as if you knew what I was and why the village detested me.

When we were little I promised myself to put all my trust and hope towards you. You were and still are everything I ever wanted to be, confident, popular, well-liked, had many friends, the list went on and on. You became my first friend, my first love. You went against your mothers' wishes and hanged out with me, you were scolded after school everyday because of it, wet you still stayed by my side. It was just simple admiration, but as we grew up together both you and I became distant.

I wanted to be on the same team as you, but Iruka-sensei put me on team seven with two 'troublesome teammates'. Heh, I'm starting to talk like you now. You were put on team ten with Ino and Chouji. I hardly ever saw you anymore, I started messing up, yet getting better at the same time. I didn't understand how you where able to progress so much with your teammates, while my team was always bickering and arguing.

I started to cooperate with my team as much as possible, thinking that if I improved and became a chunin I would get a mission with you, I never doubted you would be one. You were such a lazy genius sometimes, I used to wonder why you wanted to be a ninja if you wanted a simple easygoing life. You were so hard to figure out when we met six years ago. Without meaning it I started hanging out with my team and less time with you whenever we had no missions.

One day I was so sick of D level missions that I told Sandaime I wanted a C level mission. My nagging was answered one day when he gave me the mission to the Wave Country. I thought I was going to die, I regretted asking for something I didn't think I could handle. I became closer to Sasuke in that time. I still thought of you, just less than normal. I became more interested in Sasuke than you, he was so powerful, he was the first person that I could really relate to. I started to admire him as a friendly-rival, a different admiration that I had towards you. I wanted to become closer to Sasuke, but I didn't want to forget you.

I met Haku in that mission as well. I found someone else who shared a past similar to mine, a past better left off as a horrible nightmare. Haku almost killed Sasuke then, I lost control of the demon inside me, the nine-tails. I thought I had lost one of my most precious people right then and there. I guess when I saw Haku's face under that mask all my thoughts finally caught up to me and I started wondering _'since when is Sasuke precious to me?'_

I moved and talked as if I wasn't really there, almost as if I was a child again without knowledge of how the world worked, as if I knew nothing of killing, as if 'blood lust' wasn't in my vocabulary. I couldn't kill Haku, for that I'm happy. Kakashi-sensei killed Haku in a more painful way than I ever could, for that I cry and mourn once a year. That day, the day Zabuza and Haku died, was the day I understood what being a ninja really meant.

I was to be a tool for rich, snob-nosed people to use for their benefit. I guess I was okay with it, I didn't feel hate for being used, but pride that I was wanted, needed by someone. Even if I've never meet that person or that person didn't know me.

I was so happy that the chunin exams would be starting soon. I couldn't wait until I saw you again Shikamaru. I wanted to hard to hide the guilt that I had, I didn't think of you for days on end anymore. Nervousness overcame the happiness that I had. When I finally saw you, you looked stronger in mind and body. You seemed even wiser than before, as if you had seen hell and not been amazed by it. You seemed skinnier as well. '_Have you been eating well?'_ You seemed to have become a different person, not by looks as much as by attitude.

Both yours and my team passed the first part of the exam. I was worried for a second that my team wouldn't pass, but I thought of you most of the time. I guess that's why I didn't answer any question, instead of studying I thought of you or I hanged out with my team. We both passed the second part of the exam as well. You were gorgeous fighting against the Sound female, Kin I believe was her name. I guess you were surprised that I was able to beat Kiba, I was disappointed in you in that split-second that your face showed something else other than boredom, I wished in that split-second that you didn't show anything other than boredom too. You showed something that made me feel as if we were strangers again, like the very first time you asked me to join you cloud watching. I felt as if my childhood was a lie. Then you showed some other emotion on your face, you showed faith and trust.

I saw you only one more time after the second part of the exams, it was in the hospital, you went to visit me and Chouji, your teammate. I was so happy, I wanted to jump you right then and there. I guess I learned self-control with Kakashi-sensei. We went to go see Fuzzy-brows since he was the worst one out of all the genin. We didn't just see him, we saw the youngest Sabaku as well. That day, the day before the final exam, I met someone with a past close to mine, just more painful, more gut-wrenching than anything I've ever seen or heard before. I became interested in him as well. His sad eyes were a labyrinth that no one, not even the architect that helped built it knew the way out.

The day of the finals arrived. I didn't acknowledge you like I usually do, I was mostly worried of why Sasuke wasn't there. I know you noticed how we've drifted apart, how we don't know what we're thinking anymore.

I beat Neji, I looked up with fright that I would see your surprised face again. I was ectastic to notice that you sported not surprise, but pride. Pride in that you knew I was going to win, in not doubting me even once throughout the whole match.

I wanted to see your match against Sabaku no Temari, I guess I went overboard by pushing you out to the stadium. My belief in you never wavered once throughout the whole match. "Treat other's how you want to be treated." You told me that once when we were children. So if would ever trust your life in my hands I would keep a hold of it and never open my hand to anyone else. We both know whose life we have in our hands, we both know we will always have each other.

You would have won, but you forfeited the match right in the middle of saying 'Check-mate'. I knew you would do something stupid like that. You were weak on chakra and you knew you wouldn't last another match. It wasn't really obvious though, you looked perfectly fine to a random passer-by, but if someone looked closely, they would be able to see how your breathing wasn't even, your ponytail was an inch to the right, it was out of place. I guess the most noticeable thing about you would be that you looked absolutely hot in fishnets. That day I wondered one thing _'Since when does Shika wear fishnets?'_

I fought Sabaku no Gaara and won. Orochimaru killed the old geezer. We had a funeral, Sasuke left for power. This all happened in a blink of an eye, I don't even remember most parts, it was as if I was half-asleep during all of it. I might have been, I could have been by how my memory was fuzzy. Jiraiya took me to look for 'Tsunade', it seems like people don't want us to spend time together.

Ero-sannin and I looked for Tsunade, better known as 'The Legendary Sucker' by debt collectors and casino owners. We found her, she acted like a child who didn't what to do chores, except these 'chores' were to protect a village from dying, to stop the village from disappearing. She bet with me that if I could master my father's own move, she would become the Gondaime Hokage without anymore whining and I would get the Shondaime's necklace to show her acknowledgment towards me and my dream to be Rokudaime. I forgot about you that day, not completely, you seemed even more like a stranger the next time I saw you.

We went on a rescue mission to find Sasuke. The only real reason I went wasn't because Sasuke was my teammate or because I promised Sakura. I went because you were going to be leading, this would be your first mission as a chunin and I was going to be in your team, that was an unforgettable day, not because I fought Sasuke feeling like it was my duty I had to do at least that much for the mission. It wouldn't do that you'd fail your very first mission. I tried my hardest for you, I almost died for you, but I didn't intend to lose for you. I lost, Sasuke left, I failed both you and my team. I was in the hospital with broken bones and broken thoughts.

_'Should I have tried harder? Should I have tried to kill Sasuke?' _No, that would make me no better than a murderer and I'm a ninja. That day I promised myself to train everyday and bring Sasuke back to make Shikamaru proud at my determination, to make him proud that even if I fail a mission I could still accomplish it if I try my best.

I met someone who shared a past close to mine during one of my missions with Team Gai. His name was Ranmaru, he reminded me of Haku. They both died protecting their precious person.

I left for two and a half years with Ero-sannin to train myself. I became stronger and more determined to accomplish my goal of bringing Sasuke back. The first time I saw you since I came back from my journey was while you're walking along with Temari, I admit I was jealous, but your eyes once again spoke to me after all these years. They told me _'I'd never abandoned you and I never will.'_ I was mostly glad that I could still understand your eyes than the message you sent me.

I got a new team member, his name is Sai. My first thoughts of him were 'rude'. Then we got the mission of getting Sasuke back, during our travel to Orochimaru's hideout my thoughts about him changed from 'rude' to 'asshole'. Slowly I started accepting him, little by little. He took the spot Sasuke had as my best friend, I got a new friend but have the same lover as before. Sai was funny how he tried making friends with his little book. It was a blast seeing Sakura punch him for calling her 'Hag'. He got punched again by her because he called Ino 'Gorgeous'. He almost got beat up by Chouji if it weren't for Sakura and me stopping him from calling Chouji 'Fat ass'. I wonder what he would call you? He hasn't given you a name yet, has he?

I went after Sasuke again, no longer because I wanted to make you proud or because I promised Sakura. I went after him only because he was my mission. I had no bond with the traitor anymore. Even if he called me 'best friend' I would simply respond 'Your no friend of mine.' without regret. My friends are Chouji, Kiba, Neji, Hinata, Shino, Ino, Sakura, Ayame, Konohamaru, Moegi, Udon, Gaara, Temari, Kankuro and Haruna-hime. If he said 'I love you' I would easily say 'My heart belongs to Shikamaru'. Which I did say, I didn't regret seeing the lost and sadness those eyes of Sasuke were overriding with.

I just wanted to get the mission over with to visit Shikamaru, no matter how much people thought, Shikamaru was an excellent lover. He would remember every pleasure spot, no matter how 'troublesome' it is to remember all of them.

In the end Sasuke was sentenced to house-arrest for ten years and afterwards five years of missions inside the village a.k.a. D level missions.

I grew up with Shikamaru and I plan to die with him. His eyes never fail to speak to me either, and they never will.

'_It's too troublesome, but I'll stay with you.'_

**OWARI**

A/N: Two things. 1)That's the most I've ever written in one sitting and 2)That was a horrible ending -sighs- I apologize for making people read this...T-T The only thing that I actually had planned to type was the first paragraph, the rest just came to me….

"**_Darkness"_**

_In the dark you are never alone_

_And yet you always are,_

_Covered in its shadow for eternity. _

_Everywhere you go,_

_Darkness follows. _

_It is part of you and yet it's never there._

-Atsuki Satski. (4th Grade)


End file.
